My original plan was to create a post about my journeys, but this time I feel that I have to change the plan and improvise, as we do it many times in our lives. In fact, coming here to Czech Republic had also been a kind of inmediate decision and what I would like to record from my memories right now is also a sort of inner journey, or at least the upcoming phase of it.
Once upon a time I used to try to write a diary, but I could never do it regularly or properly. I have always found it easier to express my feeling with poetry but before arriving here I had realized that I needed a break and I should concentrate on my personal life and happiness instead of being obsessed with arts - because since I can remember, I have always been told to have a concept in my head, and this time it is such a new feeling to forget all the worries that can appear in the future.
My aim was to clean my mind and find a new destination, but now I have learnt how to expend my horizones and take care of others, which sounds easy and obvious, but it was not that simple for me. During this approximately five weeks so many things have happened that sometimes I have the feeling that I would be staying here in Ostrava at least for a couple of months. Therefore it is difficult to underline only one certain topic, so I am rather letting my ideas come to the surface and have their own paths.
Dealing with children was something misterious, concerning and uncertain for me. I really did not know what to expect - if they would be afraid of me or unrespect me for example, and it made my first steps very frightening. I had some moments when I felt that this job might not be for me. Fortunately it was just the very beginning, and thanks to all the lovely people I have met so far, now I feel that I am just in the right time and in the right place and everything should happen on the way how it happened.
I would not say it is destiny but it is so surprising for me how the new emotions find me day by day, exactly the ones that I had missed or the ones I had really needed. A lot of fragments have started to come back from my own childhood and everything is taken into a new context. I can see examples in front of me and instead of surviving life itself I have found a way to put more effort in it in order to provide something for other individuals. Even when I have some thoughts for the first time that say to me I should forget something, I keep on trying it again and again, I hesitate less, and look for the possible solutions instead of being totally hopeless.
The video I added below might describe everything better: the story beyond it is that, we used to sing the Hungarian version of the song around the campfire, with some friends who created a similar atmosphere for me many years ago, and since we usually participate in a singing seccion in the church it has just come to my mind a few days ago:
The man who I have always wanted to be is closer than ever before by now. Of course, I am still far away from my final goals, but I just realized how much I have changed within a short period of time due to some special people who can always motivate me. First it was scary and strange for me to accept that, but each day brings me some kind of surprise and when I look around myself I can believe now that I have the power and the will to change the environment that surrounds me.
What I feel about my job is not an obligation or dozens of duties at all. It is full of fun, creativity, cooperation and interesting discoveries that support me when difficulties come up, which inevitabely happens from time to time. Now it seems if my life was devided into two halves: I have one in my workplace with the collegues and employees, and one at home, in the dormitory with the fellow volunteers, but both of them are essential parts of me.
I was seeking the peace, the restart, and the answers for my questions that I had been carrying from the past, but I have got even more than I expected, and there is always a sentence or a person that helps me to write the new chapters of my story every morning.
I am an ESC volunteer in the leisure centre of Don Bosco Ostrava, and I do appreciate each moment of it.